The Orgy Cometh!

For straight women the greatest chastity belt in the world is an all woman's college. For those of us who like the penis it is a hot-bed of sexual frustration. For those of us who like women it's a dirty free for all. Lucky bitches. Halloween weekend became the perfect example of this unfortunate disparity. I decline to mention names or the actual situation because a) I am jealous and b) there is a narc running around who might use this ammo, but let's just say an orgy of "immorality" took place and some us couldn't join the party because unfortunately there was no penis involved. Fuck our lives, actually Fuck us...no really somebody, anybody, please. This is what it has come down to...begging, the next step is walking around with signs reading "Free, no strings attached vagina...come and get it". So as we let the the events of Saturday night ruminate through our minds, it became less of a "Holy shit I can't believe that happened" and turned into "Holy shit I need to get laid."

First let me introduce the players in last nights conversation..."If you seek Amy" (Hint: Say it really fast), The self-proclaimed legend (me), The Russian (She likes vodka) and Janet (as in "tttttouch me, I wanna feel dirty" Janet). The Russian was sitting on the phone, trying to pistol whip some sense into an 18 year old who is "in love" with a 35 year old, who has two kids with two different baby mama's. Since this can't be considered pedophilia (even though it should be), we can just call it plain creepy. If you seek Amy was heading off to bed while Janet and the self-proclaimed legend were doing the only thing that comes close to a cold shower...work.

The conversation went as follows...

If you seek Amy: I love you guys.

Self-proclaimed Legend: Ah I love you too IYSA. Let's make out this weekend. (Cause I'm running out of options)

If you seek Amy: Absolutely, let's make it an orgy. (It's starting to seem like orgies are the only way to get some around here.)

Self-proclaimed Legend: We'll totally bring Janet and The Russian into the equation. (The equation should really be vagina + penis = perfect equation but unfortunately as mentioned earlier woman's college = major constraint.)

If you seek Amy: I'll bring my really huge dildo for you.

Janet: I'll bring the vegetable Oil.

Hilarity, of the pee in my pants variety, ensued. Sometimes staying up until all hours of the morning is worth it, because people's best moments happen when they are under-slept, sex-deprived and tripping on sassy. It certainly doesn't come close to having a sassy gay friend but we work with what we have. =)

Good night, good luck and let's hope we all get laid sometime soon. Even if it is just between friends.