A wise man once said "Just so you know girl, I love you and I wanna get that shit pregnant. I got feelings and shit." His belief was that once you get "it" pregnant, as a man you've got that shit locked down. Now this is all kinds of inappropriate yet when listening to this drug tank podcast (this and youtube video's, mainly about cats and sassy gay friends, dominate our study breaks), I couldn't help but fall out of my chair with tears streaming down and snorting like a pig (a certain "babe" declined to have his name attached to this post as a significant cultural reference) in heat. Pretty much anyone with a perverse sense of humor (my kind of people), would and did find this "pee in my pants" funny. We can laugh because we make the assumption that no man is actually dumb enough to say this and actually mean it, either as a pick up line or even if he is in a committed relationship. If he did, he would walk away without his balls, for many obvious reasons, the main one being that referring to my uterus as "that shit" is a punishable offense. Punishable by castration. Am I being hypocritical? Maybe, if you want to be harsh. Double-Standards much? Possibly. Do I care? Not really.
So moving swiftly away from this verbal diarrhea of a pre-lude, last night's conversation was all about those cute little humans we like to call, babies. Those cute, cuddly little beings, that you want to squeeze so tight (and suffocate) sometimes. Last night's player's were Susie Jones Geology major (If you don't address her by her full title, she won't respond. It's tantamount to not addressing the queen as your "highness"), Trippin' on some shit (high times at Smith College), your gracious host the self-proclaimed legend (I decided to proclaim myself a legend since I was too impatient to wait for someone else to do it) and Janet (of the horny variety).It started out innocently enough, babies are obviously a hot-topic in all this all women's institution because the only thing that matter's to us women (a.k.a the home executive's) is hitching our wagon to a hot piece of ass (a.k.a the provider's) and raising little bambino's of our own.
So it turns out that Janet doesn't really like children, they are tantamount to panda's and dolphins to her (and if you have heard her rants about panda's and dolphins you would know there is no love lost between them). Shock and horror reverberated through out our entire collective beings. How dare she have a mind of her own? How dare SHE??? So this is how the rest of the converstaion went...
Self-proclaimed Legend: Don't you dare become pregnant! (Even though I am a huge advocate for women playing their gender assigned roles in life, I do not endorse teenage pregnancy on the other hand I teenage drinking is completely acceptable in my opinion as long as you use birth-control.)
Trippin on some shit: Don't worry, if I get pregnant now I am going belly first down the stairs until it aborts. And just to be sure I'll smoke tons of cigarette's and do a shit load of drugs until it flushes out my system.
Trippin on some shit: Well no-one looks behind the hubbard dumpster's. (Note: This line should really be credited to snacktime, formerly the russian, who was not present to re-iterate this point once more).
Yes this is highly inappropriate, insensitive and bordering on offensive (depending on which side your humor crumbles). Yet, fucking hilarious. Not hilarious because any of us think that aborting babies is like a going on an adventure ride, nor that we think purposely giving birth to substance-addicted babies is just an occupational hazzard and especially not because we think dumping babies in dumpster's is like playing basketball. It is hilarious for the same reason that, "Just so you know girl I love you and I wanna get that shit pregnant. I got feelings and shit." is hilarious because we are never really going to do it. Well I can only speak for me and my friends. It certainly isn't humorous when it actually happens. But the point of this blog is not to push forward our social and morally-conscious agenda's (because that happens far too much in our classrooms) even though we do have them but this post is purely for fun. So if you're offended, I apologize but get a sense of humor. If you laughed secretly under your bed, you did the smart, self-preserving thing. And if you LOL'd and sent this to as many friends as possible, I personally thank you for getting me more readers. You're closer to reaching legendary status. =)
So until next time good night, good luck and remember that birth control is your friend not your enemy.
No comments:
Post a Comment