Apparently 1 in 4 college age women have absolutely no idea. They're just walking around hoping that someday, someone will be brave enough to forage/venture through the enchanted, dark forest under cover of night (and blanket) hacking, probing and digging away until they find the magic place. This dear readers is not the answer. Having been recently acquainted with this statistic and well aware of the societal and cultural implications involved I wanted to know, for intellectual purposes a.k.a. gathering ammunition for the continuing fight against the unjustly & heavy handedly penis ",(heehee. I'm dirty) dominated and favoring societal structure's of the world, what the statistic was for our male peers.
The answer...one. Yes, you read it right. One man in the world has never had an orgasm by the time they enter college. That man is probably the last remaining eunuch in the world as well. (P.S. I may be exaggerating this statistic but bear with me, I'm trying to make a point.) The truth of the matter is that it is virtually impossible to know the answer to this question. Why? Well, (here begins the 7th grade anatomy lesson) even though both male and female humans have sexual (best function) reproductive (less interesting function)organs, known as genitalia they are biologically and physiologically different. In laymen's terms, boys have penis's and balls' that hang low (well I'm being generous here) and outside the general frame of their bodies. These genitals just can't help bumping into things or rubbing themselves up against things (most notably by back when I'm trying to dance...jack ass) and are extremely sensitive to vibrations...like bus rides. ", Not to mention that stroking the pole, tugging the beast (or little furry animal), "messaging" the ladle (you get my point...circumcised or not? when it's gift wrapped it doesn't make a difference) is a perfectly acceptable social and cultural (I'm generalizing on this one... so don't start being THAT girl/boy who always spoils the [anonymous sex] party with your "interesting tid bits" and "corrections/facts". You're smart. We get it. Move on.) "exercise". As stiffler once said, boys get to "rock out whit their cocks out" and "hang out with their wangs out" BUT girls, women, ladies, non-gender specific people's what about us? Don't we get to party? Apparently 1 in 4 of us lost the invitation on our way to gender-biased societal constraints land a.k.a. our world.
This issue, to me, is the single most important issue facing our world and our women today. Murder, crime, poverty, these things don't concern me. (Fight Club reference had to sneak its way in here) What concerns me...is my next door neighbors orgasm, the 75% of college age women who've never had an orgasms' orgasm and the 50% or so who might die never having had an orgasms' orgasm. The lack of orgasm-ing in general concerns me. It's a sad orgasmless world we live in and it needs to change.
Pray tell, what is the solution oh enlightened sexual predator? Yes, dear readers, it has taken this long but finally someone was brave enough to call a spade a spade or in my case a sexual predator a sexual predator. Well, not so much a sexual predator but a sex-crazed man predator. Difference? I walk a very fine line between incarceration and freedom that makes life an adventure.
It is true that society tells us women, that we should be pure, chaste and holy (not in the vaginal sense) at all times BUT are we not human too? What ever happened to equality? If women cannot be seen as equal to men when it comes to something as basic, carnal and human as sexual satisfaction, desire and pleasure (i.e. the great human equalizer) then how far have we really come (yes that was a pun)? Now I am not implying that equality among the sexes relies solely on sexual equality (we possibly have bigger fish to fry) but sex and sexuality is always my favorite place to start. Did I not mention that i am a sexual predator?
The Clit is the hokey pokey, that's what IT's all about(I wish that I could say that this is a self-proclaimed legend original but a wiser woman than I beat ", me to it). For women that is. This is where we start, the golden ticket that leads to a land EXPLODING with satisfaction, the holy (pun very much intended) grail of the female orgasm. Forget the entrancing 70's cheesy porn music and the unrealistic portrayals of female ecstasy (Nobody screams THAT loudly unless they're faking it), dexterity (If you're looking for a contortionist go find a contortionist)and average male endowment (they aren't ALL THAT BIG and frankly that's not a terrible thing. A broken pelvis is not fun). Most women DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT get off on...the train merely entering the tunnel, the sausage slicing the roll (thank me for that one the next time you eat a hot dog) or the worm burrowing the hole(Ewwwww, ewww gross analogy. I think I might've just scarred myself with this one). [If you don't get where I'm going with this, not even google maps can help you.] The missionary position (fun fact: that's the title of one of mother Theresa's books. how inappropriately appropriate) is all good and well but to achieve O-ltimate ", glory, it needs a helping hand from a friend (up north, in the land of Curiously Little Interesting Things). I implore you women of the world to spend some time in the land of Curiously Little Interesting Things every once in a while just as our male counterparts are encouraged to tug on the boat whenever the urge arises. Am I suggesting masturbation? (GASP!)Why yes I am. Unashamedly so. My reasoning, besides my single-handed (works just as well as two =) crusade to liberate women (and their vajayjay's) from the bondage of societal expectations and double standards, you ask? It's simple...how can you expect another to do for you what you haven't yet been able to do for yourself?
As much as we are anatomically the same or similar (depending on your subjective view of what these words mean...smith has forever spoiled every argument that I will ever have from now on. Everything is subjective, open for interpretation and usually always a social construct) we are all very different when it comes to what revs the engine, who turns on our ignition and where our accelerator's are hidden. So if we don't take the initiative to plunge into waters (or secretions) unknown and uncover the mysteries locked beneath our socially induced bodily shame, hatred and fear then how can we expect another to know what to do to make us scream, shout and exhale (like 70's porn stars)? If we do not know then we cannot communicate and most importantly we won't reach the big Oh Oh OHHHH moment that we've heard about in rumors and tall tales usually involving people we don't know and aren't quite sure exist. Far too much blame has been placed on the other person but if they've never been told (because we don't know) then they can't be blamed. (I know, it's unusual to hear me NOT blame the "male" for something. Has my constitution changed?).
Dear 3 out 4 college age women I was once you. Made too ashamed and afraid to think of my body in such lascivious ways. How dare I demand pleasure and satisfaction? How dare I want more than just to be a tool for someone else's pleasure? How dare I be human, have needs and want them met? (This last part applies to more than just sexual needs by the way...Even though it may seem like it is, my mind isn't only in the gutter =) Now if your objections to my suggestions are wholly untouched ", (I didn't even plan that one, it just came out. haha. and another) by differing societal judgements and expectations of men and women then you are not the subject of my pleas. If however, like me, you live in a world, a society, a culture or nurtured in a religion/ a set of beliefs that employs such gendered stereotypes and inequalities...ask yourself whether it is just or unjust? And if you feel it is the latter, well a good self-exploration session might not change things but you'll certainly feel a whole lot better afterward. And with time as well as repetition, the shame and guilt will melt away with your sexual frustration.
Dear societal construct a.k.a. the world and its institutions, all I ask is that you treat and look at me the same way you do the one's with the XY sex chromosome. What is in a letter anyway? Apparently a whole lot of disparity. If I am to be ashamed of my needs (all needs) then so should they BUT since I like my needs a little too much let's re-negotiate. If they (i.e. the XY's) are encouraged to seek and find the pleasure's of life (and loin) then I too should be encouraged. Because above all else we are human and that's what should matter.
Ahhhh it has been wonderful to re-penetrate the world of blogging. We have been apart (my pseudonym and I) for far too long. But now it is time for me to say my goodbyes (but not for too long this time), good nights and good lucks. But before I leave, I will leave you with this nugget of bias interpretation:
Tyler durden (FIGHT CLUB) says, "Self-improvement is masturbation."
The Self-proclaimed Legend says, " Then let's go out and improve ourselves ALL THE TIME smithies, isn't that what we are here for?" (",)
